Aging Well in Seattle
Helpful tips for family caregivers

Balancing caregiving and work

Staying on top of your job while caring for an aging loved one can feel like a nonstop juggling act. The push and pull of duties and commitments at home and work may leave you stretched thin and worried about dropping a critical ball. You are not alone. A recent AARP and S&P Global survey found that 67% of family caregivers are struggling to manage both work and care. Here are some strategies for how you can best manage—and thrive, not just survive—in this seemingly intractable situation.

At home

Seek support. List your loved one’s needs. Identify tasks that realistically can be delegated. Contact family members and friends (yours or your relative’s) and make specific requests for their help. If that doesn’t lift some load, consider hiring help. Ask those family members who are unable to provide hands-on support to chip in to cover the cost of care.

Prepare for the unexpected. Health emergencies and other challenges will occur! Keep your relative’s medical, legal, and financial papers in order. Make a list of trusted helpers who can address home maintenance or technology problems for your family member. Having up-to-date records avoids last-minute panic and fretful decision making.

Care for yourself. Block out self-care time in your schedule. Ideally, something every day—even if it’s just twenty minutes of walking, soaking in the tub, or playing with a pet. Whatever it is that replenishes you, do it!

At work

Advise your workplace. Be open with your employer about your caregiving role. Ask for flexibility in your hours or in working remotely. Is there a schedule that better meets your needs? Come in later, perhaps, or take a long break at lunchtime?

Inform your colleagues. That way, there’s no misperception of your commitment. You might also find benefits in networking with coworkers.

Know your rights. If your workplace has fifty or more employees, you may qualify for job-protected leave through the Family and Medical Leave Act. Ask your employer. Also, the Americans with Disabilities Act protects you from discrimination, such as being passed up for a promotion, because you are caring for a relative.

Take a step back and see what you can leverage at home and at work to relieve your stress.

Caring for feet

Our feet are complex tools of mobility. Each foot has twenty-six bones and thirty-three joints, plus numerous muscles and nerves to orchestrate their movement. They carry us for thousands of miles. But with age, joints stiffen, arches flatten, and natural padding thins out (ouch!).

Because of these changes, one in three older adults experience foot problems, such as

• bunions: bony growths at the base of the big toe
• calluses and corns: thick dead skin on the toes and heels
• hammertoes: toes that curl up or fold under
• toenail changes: thick, discolored, or ingrown nails
• heel pain: bone spurs or an inflamed ligament in the arch

It gets more complicated if your relative has a chronic disease. In the foot, this may cause

• loss of sensation (common with diabetes and heart disease)
• deformities from arthritis or gout
• lesions that can’t be seen or felt

Here’s how you can help your loved one stay safe and comfortable on their feet:

• Inspect their feet regularly. Ideally, soak their feet in warm water softened with Epsom salts. Then dry the feet thoroughly. Check for ingrown nails, cuts, hot spots, redness, or swelling. Clip the toenails straight across. Massage in skin cream or lotion.
• Ensure socks and shoes fit well. Make sure socks don’t bunch up in shoes and aren’t so tight that they leave dents in the calf. Have their shoe size checked by a podiatrist or in the store. Shop for new shoes at the end of the day, when feet are apt to be swollen. There should be a half inch of space between the longest toe and the end of the shoe’s toe box. Don’t assume new shoes will stretch out. Encourage wearing cushy, supportive, nonslip shoes around the house.
• Seek professional support. Have a podiatrist or other trained healthcare professional evaluate your relative’s feet, especially if there is pain. Treatment may be as simple as a new pair of shoes or buying the right orthotic.

Sage advice from elders

What makes life worth living? Who knows better than those who have done a lot of living: older adults.

The Legacy Project has gathered “lessons for living from the wisest Americans.” Starting in 2004, this Cornell University research project asked over 1,500 elders for insights for “surviving and thriving” in life.

The project organized the advice into seventeen browsable topics. These tips may help you gain a new perspective on a current life challenge. Or you might consider the elders’ comments as an opportunity for thoughtful discussion with your loved one. Here are some examples:

• Money. ” . . . save a little money every week for yourself. . . . at the end of fifty years you’re going to have a nice nest egg if you pay yourself first.”
• Worry and stress. “If you feel you are a decent person because of the way you regularly handle things, you can learn by a negative comment but it won’t hurt.”
• Values to live by. “Be true to yourself! . . . pursue interests that appeal to you, because that is where the joy fights the pain.”
• Living with loss. “Many years ago I chose a catch phrase by which I live: ‘an attitude of gratitude.’ I have learned that, if I look, I can always find something good.”
• Health. “What you do when you’re young, it will hunt you up when you get old. . . . live right and keep yourself in good shape.”

One common perspective is that life does throw curve balls. And yet, despite the hardships and challenges, there is still much to enjoy. Indeed, many suggested that the key to satisfaction is a willingness to live each day anew, maintaining an optimistic attitude and openness to change.

The Legacy Project participants seemed to take pleasure in sharing their wisdom as the “fruit of life.” You might ask your loved one if they have any tips for you!